If only he carried an epipen, but for Old Bay

BOSTON, MA — His first trip to Beantown ended up being his last according to a police report filed last night in Suffolk County. David Calvert of Baltimore, Maryland passed away after complications from Old Bay withdrawal. He leaves behind his parents, two sisters, and a grudge against the New York Yankees.

Witnesses say they saw David eating all-you-can-eat shrimp. “He seemed to be concerned about the lack of seasoning that exists in Massachusetts, but we assured him that it was safe to eat, that there was nothing else in New England that compared,” recalled Amy Blatherskite, seafood patron and…


There was no sign of signs anywhere.

HOUTON, TX — In a stunning find that may leave a positive lasting legacy on the infamous ball club, the Houston Astros were caught playing fairly in their first six games of this shortened season.

“I understand this may devastate our fans who have for years come to expect our shady tactics and clever loopholes,” stated Cy Sneed, the Wacky Races named pitcher. “You have never seen any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of this season, and you’ll never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I…


The weirdest thing in this photo is the square sunglasses.

WASHINGTON, DC — Noticing an upward trend since Memorial Day, several, if not all, states have begun banning travel from Florida, to avoid a giant spike of Floridians, which historically can be a drain on the local culture, roadways, and economy.

Here’s what various states had to say on the issue.

New York Governer Andrew Cuomo stated, “That place is like if Wal-Mart was a state. Honestly we should’ve done this months ago. It’s a matter of managing expectations. You know what you’re getting when people travel from other states: North Carolina and Kentucky, they won’t shut up about college…


Distancing Itself Further From Controversy, NASCAR Considers Name Change to NASCAL

“We will be called eracists! Because we erase racism!” (Photo by Pixabay)

CHARLOTTE, NC — Hoping to fully eradicate its association with racism and put some road behind it, the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing a name change to National Association for Stock Car Auto Lapping or NASCAL.

Wanting to peel wheel on this idea, Jim France had this to say, “In an oddly unanticipated left turn, we feel this is the right move to nitrous boost the sport forward.” …


Before we start, this is a great example of how to write an article for the intermediate to advanced user of AI: https://towardsdatascience.com/lets-code-a-neural-network-in-plain-numpy-ae7e74410795

Now picture time:

My first article was a high level version of my journey, how I automated my job and really wanted to automate my comedy writing, so this should be a deeper dive and, if it’s not, and you’re actually reading these, and you have the wherewithal, please call me out, otherwise I will never improve.

In 2009, I read a super beginner For Dummies book on programming which actually had little code and focused more…


Yeah…about that.

Sorry.

I’m so sorry.

Basically, I wanted to auto-gen photos I was using for a personal Instagram challenge. My wife and I took around 400 photos of me smiling in various styles and settings with various energy. I thought it’d be neat if I could build a CNN to auto-generate that stuff for me.

Problem 1: A GAN is what generates stuff. That’s…actually what it stands for: “Generative Adversarial Network”. It’s backboned by CNN tech, but I said I’d use a CNN to do things and the initial premise was faulty. I’m so sorry.

Problem 2: I don’t…

Jimmy Murray

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