Confused Courtroom Eagerly Awaits Return of Kavanaugh, Who Left Mid-Trial
WASHINGTON, DC — An entire courtroom of lawyers, plaintiffs, defendants, witnesses, jurors were still waiting for the return of Supreme Court nominee and beer pong superstar Brett Kavanaugh who left the courtroom in the middle of a live trial.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back,” said the overly confident Kavanaugh, the kind of entitled assertion you’d expect from someone who attended the Dollar General of boarding schools, Georgetown Prep. The lawyers agreed to a brief recess and everyone sort of just collectively agreed to stay there while Brett went to get confirmed for Justice Kennedy’s old seat. The foreman of the jury said the women were relieved he was gone.
Jeremy Reynolds, lawyer for the plaintiff had this to say, “At first, we all used the spare time to adjust our strategies and make our witnesses and clients look as relatable as possible. And then someone, I think it was Juror #5, said, ‘’Let’s play Hangman.’ Now we’re playing Apples to Apples and everyone is having a great time.”
Linda Smythe, lawyer for the defendant agreed. “It was a hot ugly mess during discovery and pre-trial, but with Kavanaugh gone, everything seems to have calmed down. How’s the confirmation hearing going by the way? We assume very well and he’s already drinking Gorsuch under the table…
