Liberty University to Change Mascot to Cougars — SATIRE
LYNCHBURG, VA — After a tumultuous month that saw tons of upheaval, Liberty University has opted to change the name of their mascot from Flames to Cougars.
“It feels right,” stated Jerry Prevo, acting president of Liberty University. “The Flames name holds broad sexual connotations that we feel at the present time would be insensitive enough for any of our students who were lucky or unlucky enough to engage with faculty.”
Jerry Prevo also stated there would be changes to the handbook. “We don’t want to call anybody out or point fingers, but rule #1 will be that ‘the body is a temple, which includes the student body.’ and it’s unfortunate that some people took a few *a-hem* liberties with that,” Prevo said, laughing at himself.
When asked if they felt there would be pushback on copyright from the Nashville Predators, they said, “No, we were more worried about getting sued by Stanford’s Brock Turner.”
Photo by Pexabay
https://www.pexels.com/photo/aerial-view-of-sports-stadium-during-daytime-139762/
This satire piece was written by Jimmy Murray, stand-up comedian, D-List YouTuber, and voice of the KFPN podcast network.
